Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
