hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just forgot I was standing up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
