i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
