I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't deserve a penis
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
