My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
