how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
