I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
