he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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