Fuck appropriateness.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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