I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
