I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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