I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
