My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
