drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
