he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize