Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
