how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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