It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize