Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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