i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
