if i can run in heels then i can drive
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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