I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
