my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
