hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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