I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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