I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize