Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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