What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
