Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
