I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
