I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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