I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
