somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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