Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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