you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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