so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
