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Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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