We're facebook friends in real life
I think my vagina is haunted
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
