Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize