got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
