I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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