Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
