As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize