Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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