Four minutes until I can fart!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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