$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we made out on top of his cat.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
