Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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