the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
