So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
