Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
