She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize