my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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