I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
