Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
