Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
