Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
