DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
