I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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