1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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