Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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