is your mom at the bar?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
