so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
