So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
