I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
