Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
