Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
