so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
