Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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