Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
