is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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