CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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