If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
